We use the word “my” for so many things. My wallet, my house, my child, my mother etc.; the word implies ownership. It says the wallet belongs to me. The child is mine. The person who abused me was my grandmother’s common law husband. I called him Grandpa because that was what I had always called him. It was what he was referred to as.

I don’t remember how old I was when I realized that he wasn’t a blood relation to me, but I still called him grandfather. In the early days of dealing with the abuse I suffered I referred to him as my grandfather. Then I came to a place where I didn’t want to call him grandfather anymore and I referred to him as my step-grandfather. After awhile I decided he really wasn’t even that as he never married into the family. I then called him my grandmother’s live in. That came to be a mouthful and required more explanation than I was willing to get into. To make things short and to the point he became just “my abuser”.

Recently as I thought about that term, I became uncomfortable with the use of the word “my”. “My” implied an ownership, a belonging. I certainly didn’t want this person to belong to me. It carried with it a shadow of intimacy that I didn’t want. He didn’t belong to me. He was an invader. It felt somewhat like a continuation of the violation.
Now I refer to him as “the” abuser. He was the one who scarred my very soul and stole my childhood. He didn’t have to belong to me. He was an invader. He had no rights to belong to me. I didn’t have to keep him.

This brought a cleansing to me. He wasn’t part of me anymore. It separated him from me and my family. It set him aside. He could not possess me anymore!

I encourage you to think of those who brutalized or abused you in the same way. The person who attacked you is not your attacker but the rather “the” attacker; not “my” rapist but “the” rapist.

The person may have been one who harmed you but they are not yours. It may have been a family member, a father, a brother, cousin. They still are part of your family. You cannot change that. However, the part of them that abused and harmed you does not belong to you. Set yourself free from them and how you think of them. Refuse to let the abuser be yours, a part of you. Let them stand apart from you. Their actions were done to you but they do not belong to you, anymore than a nail belongs to a hammer. The hammer is used to pound the nail and the result of that hammering changes the nail forever. It is no longer lying by itself. It is pounded into a piece of wood or is bent and removed. It is forever changed by the pounding of the hammer. But the hammer doesn’t belong to the nail. They are separate.

You belong to yourself and your creator. The two of you together work out who you are and who you will become. Turn to Him; allow Him to bring solace to the damaged part of your soul. He will. He will make you whole. He cannot change your past but He can and will change your future. In His hands healing and peace will come. In His hands you become whole and clean and set free.

If you have not come into a relationship with Jesus Christ I urge to kneel down and offer Him yourself. Ask Him to come in and cleanse and He will come. He says in the bible that He stands at the door and knocks, and if you will open the door He will come in. You had no choice over the abuser; the one who invaded your soul but you have a choice where Jesus is concerned. He will always come if you ask but He will not invade. He will not abuse. With Him you will find courage, joy, purity and healing. It costs nothing. It only takes an act of your will. You decide to invite Him into your very soul. Then He belongs to you. You can call Him, “my” Jesus, “my” Savior. He will belong to you and you to Him, forever and no one or no thing can ever remove that belonging.